


sitting in your fainting chair

by sandyk



Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: F/M, all caps courtesy of ben feldman dot net, mention of suicide, the au where Jonah looks like Ben Feldman in Between Us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 21:51:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14364441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: "I know," Jonah said. "I don't look like someone who works here.""Oh, yeah," Amy said, grimacing. "You look more like someone who comes here in high after your midterms and buys chips, but they're organic."





	sitting in your fainting chair

**Author's Note:**

> not mine, no profit garnered. all caps from benfeldman.net from the movie between us. title from the national's pink rabbits.

"I know," Jonah said. "I don't look like someone who works here."

"Oh, yeah," Amy said, grimacing. "You look more like someone who comes here in high after your midterms and buys chips, but they're organic."

Jonah laughed. "I already graduated college. It's a funny story, sort of, I was just --"

"I don't care," Amy said. She put on her vest. "I'm the floor supervisor. You should finish picking all this up."

At two am, after a very long day, Jonah drove around until he found a motel that had a vacancy. He only had so long before his mother cut off his credit card. She'd find out soon enough that he hadn't gone to the hospital she wanted him to, and he hadn't gone to Dad's house. He looked around his room and out his window. There was nothing to really see, there wasn't a moment of beauty out in the parking lot. 

He decided he was going back to work tomorrow. It had been a good day at Cloud 9. He couldn't even remember his last actual good day. 

Well, that wasn't true. He'd enjoyed being high and drinking himself into what the emergency room kindly called dehydration. 

Cloud 9 could be a kind of mental hospital slash recovery place. He looked in the mirror and tried out a bunch of arguments he was going to make to his mother about that.

"I can't compete with those rugged geisha features," Glenn said. 

Amy rolled her eyes. "You can't be a rugged geisha."

"But the manly beard and mustache and wild hair --"

"It's not wild," Amy said. "He spends at least ten minutes every morning getting all those curls in place."

"Standing right here," Jonah said. "It's not ten minutes."

"Oh, sorry, it's fifteen minutes," Amy said. "It's the geisha part I'm confused about. I mean, sure, the reporter thinks just thinks he's cute. No geisha part."

"He's so pale and his features are so symmetrical," Glenn said. "Like a geisha."

"No, I don't think so," Amy said. 

Jonah said, "Also, I'm Jewish, and I think geisha might be a little, maybe that's cultural appropriation?"

Glenn didn't look like that had made much sense to him. "You're very pretty. Like a cartoon character."

"Or a panda," Amy said.

"YES Yes YES," Glenn said. "Who can resist the panda?"

"See?" Amy smiled at Jonah. "It's not about his big ideas at all."

The reporter found Jonah in the back as he moved things from one pallet to another. She backed him against the highest stack and said, "You look like a Jewish hockey player who still has all his teeth."

"That's so specific," Jonah said. "I am a pretty decent skier."

"Okay," the reporter said. She really was super hot. 

Once he endured the farce in the breakroom, and bidding Amy adieu in the parking lot, he got to go back to the reporter's hotel room which was so much better than the place Jonah had been staying. He had an apartment now. Fourth floor studio. It almost sounded like he still lived in New York City, except it was St. Louis and he was incredibly far from New York City. 

"You'd think St. Louis was a bad assignment but last week they sent me to Homewood, Alabama. It was, I think the word is horrifying." She was saying that as she took off her clothes and he kept his eyes on her breasts. She was in great shape. 

"I have never been to Alabama," Jonah said. "I'm sure there are nice parts."

"You're wrong," Cynthia said. "But I love the energy."

She stripped off his clothes and got on top of him. She was very agile and energetic. It was super awesome sex. He tried to say it in a way that sounded cool but it really just came out "That was super awesome sex."

"God, I agree. Also don't assume I just pick one cute employee out at every store and take them back to my hotel," Cynthia said.

"Why wouldn't you?" Jonah smiled.

She laughed. "I like your hair."

 

"The beard ruins it for me," Amy said.

"It says he's manly." Dina crossed her arms. They were watching Jonah try to clean more raccoon pee. He was clearly unfamiliar with mopping up things. Didn't teach him that in hipster school, Amy thought.

"Unlike anything he actually says or his general bearing. I mean, he's definitely a man, But the beard is patchy, like, he can really only grow a mustache and a beard on his chin. Also, I think he goes into the household section after any meal involving liquids and uses the mirrors there to clean his facial hair. It's a little precious," Amy said.

"Precious like I admire his commitment to hygiene," Dina said. "I'm sure he's hot for me."

Amy flashed back to a few stories she'd heard in high school about people Dina was convinced were hot for her. 

"Yup," Amy said. "Sure."

Jonah really had no idea why Amy had invited him to her Thanksgiving. She'd also invited Dina and Mateo. On the other hand, Adam's mother was kind of unpleasant. Which seemed like a really bad way to deal with Amy's obvious hatred of her mother-in-law. 

He went to help Amy in the kitchen. "So, how's operation annoy Evelynn Dubanowski going? She called me a hippie and said I needed a haircut."

"She's not wrong there," Amy said. She took biscuits out of the oven. "I just, I kinda hoped I could dilute how awful this holiday is. Plus, you and me and Mateo and Dina need to get up at 2 am do we should all be in bed in, like, half an hour. Why are you drinking beer? You have to drive home."

"I'm not a hippie. Clearly not a hippie. My hair isn't long enough to be a real hippie. It's not even that long. There were people with longer hair at business school. If anything, if you're going to pin me down and label me, which you shouldn't label anyone, I'm a hipster. And I'm really not," Jonah said. 

Amy smiled at him. "You're so cute. Of course that's what you're offended by. Thank you for coming, seriously."

"Amy," Jonah said. "You don't seem, um, I'm probably out of place saying this, but you don't seem happy."

Amy immediately stopped smiling. "It's not your place."

He was so sure she was gonna throw him out.

Amy, Jonah, Mateo and Dina were the only one who didn't get sick from the morning potluck. Probably because Evelynn Dubanowski's stuffing had left them all a little nauseated. So they didn't eat that morning. "Worst day ever," Dina said. "Worst day ever in the history of humanity. If you can call this humanity."

"I think that's hyperbole," Jonah said. "Maybe not."

Amy walked up and said, "Shouldn't we be working?"

"All we've done is work," Dina said. "Even Jonah."

"I work," Jonah said. 

"You just don't work well," Mateo said. "I wish I'd gotten sick, I'd have an excuse to be as bad as Jonah."

"This is fun for me," Jonah said. He scratched his beard. "I'm wading back in. One hour left."

At the end of the day, Jonah limped out with Amy. Someone had run over his feet. And he thought someone had cut off a lock of his hair. It was a frightening thought. He moved. "How was your day?"

Amy said, "I called Adam from the bathroom. I asked for a divorce. While Justine was throwing up and having what I imagine was incredibly painful diarrhea. I mean, I don't imagine, she was saying so. It felt like the right time."

"I'm sorry," Jonah said. "What did he say?"

Amy smiled at him, it wasn't very convincing. Besides, she had tears in her eyes. "He said okay. He didn't even fight me. He said his mom told him to ask me for a divorce when I got home from work. He wasn't going to, but he wanted to make sure I knew his mom hates me."

"What about Emma?"

Amy's face sort of crumpled and he couldn't look at her, so he pulled her into his chest. She was definitely crying now. He patted her hair. He said, "While I was listening to Elias have food poisoning, sounding a lot like Justine I bet, I called my dad and asked for money. Because I want to stay here in St. Louis and it is really hard to get by on our hours. He's a soft touch, frankly, because one time I tried to kill myself and he found me so I try to never ask him for anything. It seems mean. But I need the money, because our health insurance is so bad. Have I distracted you yet?"

She pulled at his jacket, wiping her nose. Which was fine, there was a pretty good washer and dryer in his building's laundry room.

Amy said, "That's a horrible thing to do to your dad. I read a thing about that, you know, suicide, women don't like to leave a mess."

"I'm a selfish man," Jonah said. "Are you going home to your home? Sounds like it would be pretty tense and you had a rough day."

"Worst day in the history of humanity ever." She stepped away. "It's fine, I like to make breakfast for Emma."

"Have fun," Jonah said.

It was stupid. Ever since Amy had separated from Adam, she'd been stupid. She blamed Jonah. He showed up, in his hipster scruffy snobbery, and she told him about her college classes. He wasn't an asshole about it. Unlike everyone else in her life. Jonah, she thought. He was a blight. 

It was a new year and she'd moved out, she still paid part of the mortgage and she had rent on her one bedroom place. She was in Jonah's building, he was three floors down. That was a mistake, she should picked somewhere else. 

Emma had been sulking for three months. She didn't seem upset, she seemed irritated that her parents couldn't keep it together. That irritated the crap out of Amy. But this was her daughter and she loved her. It was how Emma was expressing her pain. 

Plus, Jonah had told her his parents were divorced and now she was worried someday Emma would stop cutting her hair and maybe do something bad. 

Amy had known she wanted Jonah since the strike. She should have pulled away. It wouldn't have saved her marriage but. 

Basically, it was all a mistake. Which is how she ended up on Jonah's bed pushing down her pants as Jonah took off his shirt. Adam had never tried to grow a beard or anything like it, so that was a new experience, scratchy hairs on the skin on her thighs and her vagina. She liked it. She loved it. She grabbed his hair, all those stupid thick curls, ugh, he was so annoying. 

She came and said, "You're the worst."

"Thanks?" He was kissing her stomach, his hands all over her. 

"Dina said we'd end up fucking the day after the strike," Amy said. "I hate when she's right."

"You don't have to tell her," Jonah said. He smiled and then kissed and teased her nipple. Now he was on top of her, holding himself up with his absurdly lean muscled arms. 

"Why are you in shape? Do you work out?"

"I bike on my days off, and pilates and resistance bands, you know," Jonah said. "I still technically haven't fucked you if you want me to stop."

"Only to put a condom on," Amy said. 

He made her come again and again and she really wanted to hate him but he was so hot. He babbled in her ear about how beautiful she was and how he'd had a crush on her from his very first day. She fell asleep in his bed. 

"You're really dating Amy," Garrett said. 

"I think she will say we're just banging. Or we're just having sex and hanging out. She doesn't like the word dating. Or boyfriend," Jonah said.

"Yeah, I know relationships like that," Garrett said. "Except you're driving her home."

"We live in the same building, it makes sense to commute together," he said. "If more people carpooled, you know …" He trailed off.

"What?" Garrett was looking at Dina.

"I thought you were going to cut me off."

"Apparently I don't need to," Garrett said. "Thank you for realizing when to be quiet."

He waited outside for Amy. She walked out and stopped in front of him. "Hey," she said. "I've been hiding things from you."

"Oh," Jonah said. "Well, we're not technically dating. So it's okay."

She looked down and wrung her hands. "We sold the house. You know how we're --"

"You teamed up with the people on the other side, because the buyer wants to tear them both down and build condos. That's great, that's great you sold it," Jonah said.

"Yeah, it's a nice chunk of money. So Adam get a third, a third goes into a college fund for Emma and I get a third. So I'm moving out of my apartment and my parents are selling their house so we're all moving in together, yay. I mean, I get the basement, which has no bathroom, and there's two bedrooms upstairs. Each with their own bathroom. And one full bathroom on the first floor. Um. The point is, I'm doing all this because I'm going to quit Cloud 9. I never told you the day after Thanksgiving I made my application, I applied to Washington University. US News and World Report says it's better than Georgetown, you know?"

"And you got in, of course," Jonah said, smiling. "Of course you did. That's so great."

"I did," Amy said. "I'm using my house money to pay off my debts and the rest will go to tuition and I have some financial aid. But. Um. Yeah. I can't believe you aren't even surprised I got in."

"You're incredibly smart," Jonah said. "Of course you got in."

"You're the only person I know who wasn't surprised," Amy said. She looked up at him and smiled.

"So are you breaking up with me? Are you quitting today?"

"No, no," Amy said. "I'm just, um, you know, I didn't tell you I applied to college or that I got in or really much about the house."

"Well, we're taking things at your pace," Jonah said. "Do you want me to be upset?"

"I don't know. I hate change. But I'm changing everything. Um, I hate that jacket. I hope we don't break up. But I hate that jacket," she said. "I'm babbling."

He pulled her into a hug. "You got into Washington University, you're amazing. I'm going to drive you home and help you pack and if you want, we can make a bag for Goodwill donations and I'll put this in it."

"I love you," Amy mumbled. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to hear it so he didn't say anything. 

Jonah said Amy had saved his life. Amy wasn't supposed to come in the day after Cheyenne's wedding, but she was upset about the layoffs. Jonah wasn't even scheduled but since Amy slept at his apartment that night, he went in with her, too. So they were together during the tornado and then Amy went home until Jonah called her. He said if he'd been home like he'd been planning, he might be dead. Three people in the building were missing, presumed dead, buried in the rubble. 

So of course she let him move in to the basement. Her parents were okay with it, Emma didn't mind. He'd stayed over enough he even had some clothes. Everything else he owned was gone. 

Amy wondered if he'd fall apart. She didn't probe because she was an asshole. He'd told her once he'd tried to kill himself, she didn't even know how. Well, she knew it didn't leave a scar. He had two tattoos and not a single scar. She knew his body really well. She should be a better girlfriend. 

Two weeks after the tornado, Jonah was sitting on the edge of the bed, playing with his phone, when she got home from her orientation. It was a special orientation for older students. She said, "I'm not going back to work, you know. By the time Cloud 9 is repaired I'll be back in school. It's weird to think that was my last day. Don't you think it's weird?"

"It's fitting," Jonah said. "In a way. It'll be a completely different store without you."

He seemed like he was feeling heavy. She didn't know the right word for it. She said. "What's up?"

"Well, the official family visit is happening. Not all my family, they're sending the designated representative," Jonah said. 

"That sounds like mafia. Or a foreign country."

"Ha, no. My stepfather is coming to check me out," Jonah said. "He has control over all the money."

"Even your dad's?"

"Sort of," Jonah said. "His word carries weight."

"What's his name?"

"Jimbo," Jonah said. "It's ridiculous, he looks like he's straight of central casting. He could not look more old guy Jewish if he tried. Picture the guy they hire when Judd Hirsch is busy."

"Superior Donuts," Amy said. She leaned on his shoulder. "I love that show. Is it like the real Chicago?"

"Especially the laugh track. And every cop I knew looked like Katey Segal," Jonah said. 

"So, what, Jimbo does his tour and you get a bump in your allowance?"

"Theoretically," Jonah said. 

Jimbo Rubenstein did look like the guy they cast if Judd Hirsch was busy. He was funny, though. He asked a lot of questions, mostly of Amy, a little towards Jonah. It seemed like friendly curiosity.

Then Jonah went off to a final lunch with Jimbo and Amy lay on the bed doing her catch up studying. She had tested into intermediate Spanish II. Then she was going to take Spanish Conversation and Culture and then Grammar and Composition, then Advanced Reading and Writing. She wanted to get to take Latin American Contemporary Cinema. 

People kept asking what she was going to do for a career. She had no idea. She was going to be a freshman and she would take things that interested her. She was going to take a Math class and an Economics class and Introduction to Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies. She wondered if Jonah had had all the books for that one. Before the tornado. 

She realized that Jimbo could be laying down the law right now and Jonah would have no money and couldn't even keep up working at Cloud 9. She'd seen a lot of his bills. Three credit cards, his student loans from his one good year and his half year when he flunked out. He owed so much. 

She didn't want him to leave. She should tell him. She'd said she loved him but she'd mumbled it and didn't want him to hear it so she should say it out loud this time. Really loudly. She didn't want him to leave.

It occurred to her Jimbo might be giving Jonah a lot of money and if she said it after Jonah told her, he might think she was a gold digger. 

So she was a nervous mess waiting for Jonah and when he finally knocked on the door and came downstairs, she started talking right away. "Jonah, I didn't tell you this but it's really important. I love you. I want you to stay here. I know it's all been kind of random and buildings falling over but I'm glad you're here. I totally choose you. It was really hard not to make the Simpsons joke there."

"You choo choo choose me?" He had such a nice smile. He said, "Did you want to get that in there in case I got a bunch of money?"

"I wanted to get it in there before I knew. Maybe you have no money, I still love you."

Jonah flopped down on the bed next to her. "I have money. Jimbo loves you. He thinks you're incredible. He kept calling you that lovely Latina woman I was lucky to be dating. I know Latina might sound racist, but like, he never called you a shiksa, or even a gentile. So it was kind of not as racist."

"He likes me," Amy said. "So he's giving you piles of money because he likes me?"

"It's not piles of money. But, um, since I've stayed with my job for a year and I seem basically okay and I somehow managed to date you, they're gonna pay my student loans." He threw his hands up. "Which would have taken me about twenty years and they will do in three. They are also paying off my credit cards. Then I have to close two of them, and only have one, which is fine. And --"

"There's an 'and,' I like this." She cuddled into his side. He smelled like an expensive restaurant somehow. Or she was projecting because she knew where Jimbo had taken him to eat. 

"My yearly, uh, it's sort of an allowance, but it's more like an annual disbursement, technically, according to my great-grandfather's will, which I've gotten only a little of since I was 25 --"

"Is that when you tried to kill yourself? How did you do it? Sorry, that's a horrible question, but I always wonder," Amy said.

"I drank a lot of vodka, and I took a lot of painkillers. So my dad found me, and I'd written a note," Jonah said. 

"Was it really long?"

"It was two pages, okay?" Jonah kissed the top of her head. "Anyway, he called 911, he made me throw up, they pumped my stomach. But now, all these years later, I'm in better shape and they tripled my yearly disbursement. Half of which is going into a Roth IRA they're setting up for me, since Cloud 9 won't. But, it's enough money to - I thought about getting our own place, but Emma really loves it here and I know Adam had all that trouble finding a two bedroom in her school district so. And then I thought, hey, I can talk to your parents about getting contractor and putting in a bathroom down here. Wouldn't that be nice? And rewire the house so we get much better wifi. You can't do your homework down here with this wifi. What do you think?" He had such a beautiful eager face.

"That sounds so amazing," Amy said. "I would love that. I really hate having to put on clothes just to run upstairs to pee or clean up after sex."

"God, yes. I keep trying to make sure I never have to use the bathroom at night," Jonah said. "Oh, if I don't have any of my bills to pay, I can help your parents out more with the mortgage and the cable and you can worry less."

"I am a big worrier," Amy said. 

"I love you, too," Jonah said. 

Jonah got home from Cloud 9 at eleven pm. He made sure not to park behind Mr. Sosa, so he parked on the street. Mr. Sosa like to run errands in the early morning, or what he called errands. What he really did was go to the only authentic Honduran food truck in St. Louis which had tables and chairs in the parking lot next to it. He would talk to his old friends and make all his children very upset. All of Mr. Sosa's friends smoked and even though Mr. Sosa didn't, Amy and both of her siblings kept bringing up second hand smoke. Amy's brother threatened to go with him and bring a fan to make sure no smoke got near Mr. Sosa's repaired heart. 

Jonah stayed out of it. He was third class family at best, which was fine. Everyone liked him more than they liked Adam, except Emma, of course. As it should be. The contractors had finally finished the rewiring and built the new bathroom and they even had their own door to the bathroom from back of the house. 

He remembered it was Amy's inaugural study group night. She was two months into being a freshman and midterms were approaching and she was unbelievably nervous. It was silly, because she was so smart, but it never helped her to tell her that. She didn't want to ask the students she knew and sometimes hung out with because she felt like an idiot going to their dorms. "They're all so young, like, they're Emma's age." 

He decided not to say they were a few years older than Emma because then Amy started on a freakout cycle about how she and Emma would be in college at the same time. He suggested that she invite her friends over. 

She'd said, "I know, I know. But I don't want to be the mom friend. They're always asking me for advice and I've had sex with, like, three people and what do I know? I'm a divorced 33 year old mother who's a freshman."

"Yeah, but it's not like you live in a house, you have a basement studio sort of apartment," Jonah had said. "This place does not make either of us look like adults."

"That's great, thanks, that's so reassuring," she'd said. 

But it was Amy and Amy grabbed bulls by the horn, any passing bulls really. So she'd invited some of her friends over and tonight was the night. 

He knocked on the door and then opened it. Immediately he smelled the weed like a wave. "So lots of studying," he said.

Amy got up from the bed, smiling, and clung to his shoulders. "We didn't light up until we finished reviewing all the chapters. Now we're waiting for Bobbie to feel less high before she drives everyone home. Except me. I live here." She kissed him. 

Jonah said, "I am totally sober. I just got off work. I can drive everybody home."

"What about my car?" That had to be Bobbie. 

"I'll drive your car and take an Uber home from the dorms, it's not that expensive," Jonah said. 

"Oh my god, that's so great," Bobbie said. "We need to get home."

Bobbie had a stick shift but Jonah knew how to drive one of those. As he was driving, Bobbie said, "You are so Amy's cool boyfriend."

"I work at Cloud 9," Jonah said.

"You are not cool at all," one of the other girls said. 

"I agree," Jonah said. 

He dropped them all off and then called an Uber. He got home for a second time, and this time he found Amy naked on the bed, one of their blankets between her legs. "Can I complain about work?"

Amy said, "Nope. I mean, I know how bad it can be, but save it for the morning, mister, I'm in a great mood."

"Cloud 9 just brings you down," Jonah said.

"You should go down on me," Amy said. "I told the girls that you're really good at that. Juliana said she'd had a boyfriend who had a beard and she hated the scratching on her thighs and I said yours wasn't like that. I don't know how you do it."

He stripped and got in bed next to her. "Did you tell them your weird pubic hair thing?"

"It's not weird," Amy said. "I don't mind the, the liquid parts, I'd be happy to kiss you, but I don't want any of my own pubic hairs on my own face. And I can't see them in your beard. So I make you wipe your face before we kiss, it's not weird."

"It's weird," Jonah said. "But I'm not insulted."

"Why would you be? It's my own hair I'm grossed out by." She rolled closer to him. He loved every solid, soft inch of her. "Let's just have sex, I love having sex when I'm high. Bobbie had these great joints."

"You talked me right into that," Jonah said. Amy had gotten an IUD. Because, she said, she didn't want a baby with him yet but she wasn't going to sleep with anyone else so it was the right choice. He still remembered the way she said yet. 

"Fuck me, you rugged hipster," she said, laughing. 

"I thought we agreed I'm not rugged," he said.


End file.
